Morby Stuff, I Guess
by GrabYourFriends
Summary: Just some Morby oneshots. All Human AUs.
1. Rigby's Feels

**Disclaimer: Regular Show ain't mine.**

* * *

"Shh, shh, Rigs. It's okay," Mordecai soothed, rubbing the small of the brunette's back. He wasn't the best at comforting, given how he reacted to his previous breakups, but he knew what to say—for the most part.

"H-how d-do you know i-if it's okay or not?" Rigby sobbed and attempted to suffocate himself with his pillow. "This is the worst. I wanna die!"

That was when Mordecai wrenched Rigby up to face him and slapped the shorter male right across the cheek.

Rigby stared at Mordecai with a deer-in-the-headlights look, until those wide eyes began to sport tears as Mordecai yelled, "Don't you _ever_ say that! You're still so young! Don't say that.."

With watery eyes, Rigby sniffed and broke into tears before hugging Mordecai with all his might, bawling, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I won't ever say that again, Mordecai! I'm just so dumb! Don't listen to me! It's why Eileen called it quits! She _hates_ me now!"

"She doesn't—"

"She _told_ me she hates me! I'll never love _again_!" Rigby blubbered.

Sighing, Mordecai pushed Rigby away lightly, fingers wrapped tight around his small shoulders. "Rigby? Listen to me, okay?"

The brunette sniffled and nodded, wiping his tears away.

"Remember when Margaret broke up with me? I was a wreck. CJ? Still a wreck, maybe a little worse. She may hate me now, but I'm still good friends with Margaret—"

"B-but Margaret is Eileen's best friend, and we're best friends, so they probably both hate _both_ of us! This is all my fault."

"Rigby!"

The brunette's head was lifted by his chin, and he looked deep into Mordecai's azure heterochromatic eyes.

"Rigby, listen. I know this may be a tough thing to deal with right now, but trust me. It'll pass in no time. Soon, you'll forget about her and fall in love with someone better."

Rigby cried again. " _No one_ is better than Eileen!"

Mordecai simply hugged Rigby tight, burying the shorter male's face in his chest without warning.

"I'm sure someone is."

That was all that was said more between those two before loud weeping erupted from the shorter and their door opened.

"Um, I apologize, Mordecai and Rigby, but could you two be more quiet? I'm trying to sleep.."

Mordecai apologized and when Pops left, he picked Rigby up off of the floor and laid him down on his trampoline before falling into his own bed.

••

Slivers of sunlight poked through the shutters, one landing in Rigby's eyes and startling him awake.

"Gyah!" he shrieked, voice breaking as he sat up and rubbed his eyes.

He had been startled awake by two things, actually: the sunlight, and a nightmare. Well, actually, he wouldn't call it a nightmare, but it was pretty scary—scarier than anything he'd ever encountered in his twenty-three years of life, and that was saying something.

It had to do with Mordecai. And him. Kissing. That's all it was, but it scared him so bad he broke into a cold sweat and nearly peed his pants.

"Mordecai! Mordecai? Huh?" he mumbled sleepily, standing up and stretching before stalking over to his best friend's bed. He pulled the blanket away, but Mordecai was nowhere to be found. "What the hell?" he asked groggily, eyes on the note left on his desk.

" _Work started at eight, just to let you know. I let you sleep in. Don't touch my stuff, and don't worry about being yelled at. I explained to Benson why you were gonna sleep in and he was surprisingly cool about it since he knows what it's like. Anyways, see ya when you wake up! —Mordo_ ," Rigby read, and smiled slightly. "How thoughtful."

He yawned and stretched again, then stalked out of the room toward the John.

After he was done in the bathroom, he went back to his room, changed his clothes, took his time getting downstairs, and grabbed stuff to make cereal.

Five minutes into eating his small bowl of cereal, the door slammed open, startling Rigby, and he turned to see his best friend caked with mud. "Cover for me!" Mordecai screamed, running past the short brunette and jumping out the window just as Benson Dunwoody entered, face red with rage.

"Mordecai, you—" He cut himself off when he saw a still alarmed Rigby sitting still in his chair, his anger depleting in a heartbeat. "Oh, hey, Rigby. Do you happen to know where Mordecai is?"

He honestly didn't know.

"Uh, no. I haven't seen him."

That last part was a lie.

"Oh. Well, then, just enjoy your breakfast, and come on out to work whenever you're ready," Benson replied before jogging out the back door.

 _Wow, he really_ is _understanding_ , Rigby thought as he turned around and went back to his Cocoa Puffs ™.

After dumping his bowl into the sink and yawning once more, Rigby finally wandered out of the house and outside, where he saw Mitch and High Fives doing Doughnuts with their golf cart and Mordecai still running from Benson.

Letting out a breathy laugh, Rigby headed in Mordecai's general direction, running right beside him as Benson chased the taller man down.

"Dude, what'd ya do?" he asked, still laughing, and looked over his shoulder at an enraged Benson.

"Ha, oh man—"

••

Rigby fell onto the bench beside Mordecai, laughing hysterically.

" _Seriously_?!" he asked, holding his stomach. Mordecai laughed along with his petite brunette friend and let his arms lay on the top of the bench.

As he watched Rigby laugh, he couldn't help but feel a million tiny butterflies fly around in his stomach. The brunette's hair shone under the sun with a lustrous shine, his tan skin complimenting his black graphic shirt with pink writing over it that was pulled over a long-sleeved, baby blue button-up shirt, skinny jeans, a blue so deep they appeared black in certain lighting, and black vans. That smile, though, was what made him want to straight up faint.

Hunched over, the petite man clutched his stomach as he laughed, the sound filling the air and reminding Mordecai of music.

Would it be considered weird to fall in love with your best friend when you're both guys? He remembered when they were five.

 _"I'll love you forever, Mordy!" Rigby exclaimed, tackling his best friend into a hug. "Let's get married!"_

 _"Okay!" Mordecai responded, kissing the small brunette's cheek and hugging him back tightly._

What ever happened to that?

"Mordo? Mordecai. Mordy. MORDECAI!" Rigby shrieked, slapping Mordecai clear across the face. The taller man blinked, then turned to Rigby.

"Wanna go play video games?" Rigby asked in a puckish tone, a smirk gracing his features. Oh, that smirk was the cutest freaking thing!

"H-uh-oh, oh yeah. Sure, dude," Mordecai responded, following the other as he began running toward the house.

•

Rigby jumped up on the couch, crying in defeat when Mordecai shot him with a misfired bullet in the game. "Ugh! How did you miss me, but end up killing me anyway?!" As he threw down the remote and started whining about how terribly he lost to Mordecai, time seemed to slow down.

"I hate you, Mordecai!" Rigby exclaimed before he tripped on the space between the cushions and fell toward Mordecai. Aforementioned male caught Rigby just in time, but their lips connected before they could even register what had just occurred.

Rigby was the first to pull away, eyes filled with anguish and fear, and a face so red that Mordecai thought it might have exploded. He quickly turned away from Mordecai, covering his face because, he'd never admit it, but he actually enjoyed that kiss.

In Mordecai's point of view, it was like this: churning stomach, dry throat, buckets of sweat, burning skin, confusion, happiness, and the taste of cherry-flavored Italian ice left on his lips from Rigby. Was he in Heaven _already_?

"I-I—t-that was–!" Rigby sputtered, backing up and then racing up the stairs with his face covered and somehow managing to avoid tripping. Mordecai lied back on the couch, relaxation consuming him. Rigby was embarrassed, which only meant one thing—he enjoyed the kiss just as much as he did.

•

"Rigs?" Mordecai asked, pushing the door open gently. Inside his and Rigby's room lied the aforementioned brunette, steaming embarrassment into his hands in the fetal position.

"You okay?"

Upon receiving no answer, he made his way over to Rigby's trampoline and sat down next to the unresponsive brunette. " _Riiiiigby_ ," he started, poking the smaller male, "are you okay?"

"T-that was my first kiss..."

Mordecai paused, shocked. First kiss? But what about Eileen? "Wait, what about Eileen?" He stared at the embarrassed brunette, who instantly sat up straight.

"We only kissed each other on the cheeks and gave each other butterfly and Eskimo kisses! Never _lip_ kisses!" Rigby cried angrily, face as red as a tomato, and it was funny because he had a baby face.

Mordecai also blushed and looked away. Rigby was too innocent! "Oh, uh...s-sorry..." he muttered, disappointed that Rigby wasn't embarrassed because he liked Mordecai back. He scratched the back of his neck, eyes darting nervously around the room. "Well, uh..." He was at a loss for words, perspiration accumulating on his face. His eyes unconsciously darting back to Rigby, Mordecai paused.

Rigby was blushing, but biting his lip nervously. Knowing him so well, Mordecai got the signal that Rigby was going to say something he was embarrassed about. "It..." The brunette looked away. "Wasn't that bad..."

Mordecai's eyes widened, glee shining in them. "Seriously?!" he inquired ethusiastically, grabbing both of his hands.

"W-what?! No way! What do you think you're doing, anyway?!" Rigby suddenly cried, yanking his hands away from Mordecai's and jumping back. "I—I was just lying! I _knew_ you were gay for me!" He forced a laugh, a permanent blush painting his cheeks. That blush was just enough proof Mordecai needed to know that his feelings were returned.

" _Did_ you, now~?" the taller man queried, pinning Rigby to his trampoline and smirking. "I'll just have to rape you, then~."

Rigby's face exploded in scarlet as he thrashed around underneath him. "N- _NO_! GET OFF!"

Yep. That was all he needed.


	2. Mute

**Disclaimer: Ain't mine.**

* * *

Rigby watched with feigned interest as his cat, Carino, consumed the long-deceased blue jay, dirtying his stark white paws with its blood. The blue jay's head lied elsewhere, beady, pitch black eyes wide open with frozen terror, destined to remain that way until it decomposed and became dirt in the strata. Carino licked and bit at the bird voraciously, which made Rigby wonder when dinner would be done, not that he ever got something other than food scraps when he stayed at his father's house with Don.

Although, this weekend, Don wasn't there, so it was just him, Sherm, and Carino. Abuse, too—it was like a close relative to Rigby when his dad watched him. He pondered why Sherm would ever even let him stay at his house if he hated him from head to toe.

Don, his younger brother, was bigger than him, and he looked exactly like him, so of _course_ his dad loved _him_ and not _Rigby_ , because Rigby was weak and 'unable to grow.'

So, there he crouched, watching indifferently as his father's cat called cute in Italian devoured a blue jay on a dreary Friday evening, the sky filled with bone gray clouds. He blinked back tears as he noticed those beautiful azure feathers stained crimson and thought of Mordecai, how he'd protected him from his dad once.

* * *

"Hey, dude, can I crash at your place for the weekend? It'll be fun—we can have a movie marathon or something!" Mordecai asked happily, and Rigby could practically sense the joie de vivre air about his best friend. The twelve-year old hesitated, since he was at his father's house and knew he'd never allow it. He snuck downstairs and saw that his father was too immersed in his show to notice anything else going on around him, smoke billowing up out of his mouth into small silver clouds above him. Rigby could have screamed and his father wouldn't have noticed.

Sneaking back upstairs and biting his lower lip before licking it out of nervous habit, Rigby replied, his voice barely above a whisper, "Sure, man. I'm at my dad's place, like, every weekend. Come over at six."

"Cool; I'll see you there!" Mordecai responded joyously, hanging up. Rigby did the same, unaware that his father had picked up the home phone only to hear the rest of his son and Mordecai's conversation before the blue-haired boy hung up.

He thought about confronting Rigby about it right then and there as his blood boiled, but decided, with a Machiavellian grin, that he'd scream at him right when his friend showed up, just to embarrass his dispicable son.

Three and a half hours later, Rigby was dodging a barrage of angry fists, furniture, and a full beer bottle, fear threatening to swallow him whole. Mordecai's mother was probably pulling into their driveway as this occurred! His life was over, no doubt. "You never let me do anything!" Rigby countered, standing up straight and staring his father dead in the eye as he spoke, puffing out his small, light brown chest. "That's because you're a weak little brat! Your younger brother is stronger than you!" Sherm defended, stomping right up to Rigby as the brunette began to cower in fear. They both knew how this would end. A loud smack resounded throughout the room, and Rigby fell to his ass as a burning red hand mark appeared on his left cheek, his tears threatening to spill over.

"Alright, this is it! Now, you go have fun with Rigby, dear, and don't misbehave for Sherm!" Mordecai's mother told her son, shooting him a knowing wink.

Mordecai flushed furiously, fumbling for the door handle as he squeaked, "Mom, stop! That's sick!" His mom only laughed in response as he jumped out of the car and she drove off. "Ugh, I'll never understand girls. S' why I like Rigby," he muttered, smiling at the last part before meandering toward his best friend's front door. He stilled, though, when he heard yelling and crashing, and then a loud slapping sound.

"Rigby."

He dropped his paraphernalia and raced into the house, the perilous situation intrinsically ingrained in his mind as he slammed the door open. " ** _RIGBY_**!" he bellowed, leaping toward his best friend to protect him from the broken beer bottle hurling in the brunette's direction. A large shard of it lodged itself in the taller twelve-year old's back as he held himself up over Rigby, groaning in pain. Crimson stained that beautiful azure jacket of his as he fell on top of him.

The brunette finally cried out, tears erupting from him like a waterfall in rain, and hugged his companion tight, sobbing.

The next shard of that broken beer bottle landed in Rigby's throat. That was the last time he'd be able to cry aloud anymore.

His father displayed an infinitesimal amount of guilt when his eldest son was diagnosed as mute, but he clearly enjoyed not having to hear the brunette's whiny voice anymore, or at least for the next few years.

His mother, on the other hand, had been hysterical, screaming and crying about her poor baby losing his voice.

Don was scared, as well, and when Rigby woke up from his surgery the following day, he had cried and hugged him tight, telling him that their mother was going to gain full custody of them.

He thought that had been the end of it—his father got arrested, his mother gained full custody of him and Don—but it wasn't. It was actually far from it, because before being arrested, Sherm promptly demanded to make that incident a court case, and so, Sherm was out of jail, he and Rigby's mother split custody of their children between themselves, and it was back to the way it was before.

He remembered Don saying that everything was going to be okay that day in the hospital, but was it?

He didn't blame anyone, though. His father was just crazy.

Mordecai was okay, though. He only ended up with a scar on his back. They still talked and hung out, just never at his father's. They never even texted each other since Rigby was afraid his father would snoop through his phone and see all the texts he sent to Mordecai about how much he hated his father. He even went as far as to leave his phone with his mother and Don back at her house.

Rigby woke up to his father looming over him, strangling him half to death one morning. He knew why. One, because he wanted to kill him, and two, because he wanted Rigby to permanently lose his voice.

* * *

So, in defeat, Rigby let out a soundless whine and cried until noise started regurgitating out of his throat. Eyes wide, he clutched his neck and coughed before attempting to speak, or at least make another noise.

"M-M..." he rasped. It felt like he was vomiting. "Mord-Mordec.."

He looked up at Carino and grinned as the white feline turned his head in alarm toward him. He had been so used to hearing nothing from the brunette since he was twelve, so the foreign sound of Rigby's voice startled him.

"Mordecai.." Rigby finally managed out, smiling proudly at Carino with pink-tinted cheeks.

He was so happy! He was going to be able to communicate without having to use a sketch pad and pen or sign language, like he had been for the past two years and two months!

"L-love," he choked. "I love you."

He was _more_ than happy—he was _elated_! At this point, not even getting any diseases from Carino's carcass-covered, sandpaper tongue scraping across his cheek mattered as he pulled the astonished feline into his lap.

"I...love..M-Mordy, and I-I love _you_ , C-Cari-Carino!" he stuttered happily, petting Carino lovingly before letting him go. The confounded cat stalked away, Rigby's golden orbs following his every move.

When Carino was out of sight, Rigby smiled to himself and pressed a hand to his chest in the area where his beating heart resided underneath. "S-so happy.."

He didn't even mind having to take speech therapy. Crying was completely elicited from his mind.


	3. 19 Years and On

**Disclaimer: Oh, how I wish to own Regular Show.**

 **Note: These probably aren't in the correct U.S. letter format, but I don't remember the format, so I made do.**

* * *

 ** _To: Mordaky_**

 _ **From: Яibgy**_

 _ **Date: Toosday, Augast 25, 1998**_

 _Deer Mordaky,_

 _I don't no what yeer it will be when your reading this butt just no that I like you alot. That's all._

 _Love,_

 _Яibgy_

* * *

 ** _To: Mordecai_**

 ** _From: Яiby_**

 ** _Date: Wensday, Agaust 25, 1999_**

 _Deer Mordecai,_

 _I am glad that we are frends. You are a relly cool dood. Allso I like you._

 _Love,_

 _Яigy_

* * *

 ** _To: Mordo_**

 ** _From: Яigy_**

 ** _Date: Fryday, Aagust 25, 2000_**

 _Deer Mordo,_

 _I may like you alot butt that dusn't meen you can tayk my craons you jerk. Give them bak or I will tayk all your pensills and brake them!_

 _Love,_

 _Яibby_

* * *

 ** _To: Mordo_**

 ** _From: Яigbone_**

 ** _Date: Munday, August 27, 2001_**

 _Dear Mordo,_

 _You are cute. I aksed my momma why I think your cute and she said it's becuse I like you. I said I alreddy no that and she said that I'm gay wich meens I like boys. So I gess I'm gay for you or some thing. I no you like girls thow even thow thay have cootees. I wish you didn't butt I can't change your mind._

 _Love,_

 _Яigboen_

* * *

 ** _To: Mordo_**

 ** _From: Яigby_**

 ** _Date: Toosday, August 27, 2002_**

 _Dear Mordo,_

 _ **DON'T MAKE FUN OF MY SPELING!** I still like you thow. _

_Love,_

 _Яigby_

* * *

 ** _To: Mordo_**

 ** _From: Rigby_**

 ** _Date: Monday, August 25, 2003_**

 _Dear Mordecai,_

 _Stop liking girls and start liking me. _

_Love,_

 _Rigby_

* * *

 ** _To: Mordo_**

 ** _From: Rigby_**

 ** _Date: Wednesday, August 25, 2004_**

 _Dear Mordecai,_

 _Quit stomping all over my heart. Your gonna make Middle School worse than Elementry. I hate you, but I love you._

 _Love,_

 _Rigby_

* * *

 ** _To: Mordecai_**

 ** _From: Rigby_**

 ** _Date: Thursday, August 25, 2005_**

 _Dear Mordecai,_

 _Thanks. Thanks for asking that girl out right in front of me. I really appreciate it. Maybe next, you can stab me right in my broken heart and break it even more. I wish I could stop loving you._

 _Love,_

 _Rigby_

* * *

 _ **To: Mordecai**_

 _ **From: Rigby**_

 _ **Date: Friday, August 25, 2006**_

 _Dear Mordecai,_

 _Can't you see you're hurting me? I love you so much, but...I know you'll never feel the same._

 _Love,_

 _Rigby_

* * *

 _ **To: Mordecai**_

 _ **From: Rigby**_

 _ **Date: Monday, August 27, 2007**_

 _Dear Mordecai,_

 _I think I'm actually dying inside. This suffering is too much. I think about killing myself every day, and it's all your fault. I have to stay alive, though, for you, since I'm your only friend. That's what I'd like to think, anyway._

 _Love,_

 _Rigby_

* * *

 ** _To: Mordecai_**

 ** _From: Rigby_**

 ** _Date: Monday, August 25, 2008_**

 _Dear Mordecai,_

 _Why is is so hard to just tell me you love me? It doesn't even have to be a romantic love. I could deal with you saying you love me like a brother. Just say those three words, and I'll be happy._

 _Love,_

 _Rigby_

* * *

 _ **To: Mordecai**_

 ** _From: Rigby_**

 ** _Date: Tuesday, August 25, 2009_**

 _Dear Mordecai,_

 _ **Fuck. You.** I'm dropping out of high school. _

_Love,_

 _Rigby_

* * *

 _ **To: Mordecai**_

 _ **From: Rigby**_

 _ **Date: Wednesday, August 25, 2010**_

 _Dear Asshole,_

 _I hope you're having fun in school without your best friend. I hope you're making shitty friends and dating shitty girls who break your heart._

 _Love (or Hate),_

 _Rigby_

* * *

 ** _To: Mordecai_**

 ** _From: Rigby_**

 ** _Date: Thursday, August 25, 2011_**

 _Dear Mordecai,_

 _I'm sorry for everything._

 _Love,_

 _Rigby_

* * *

 _ **To: Mordecai**_

 _ **From: Rigby**_

 _ **Date: Saturday, August 25, 2012**_

 _Dear Mordecai,_

 _Please stop being so nice. I don't deserve this at all._

 _Love,_

 _Rigby_

* * *

 ** _To: Mordecai_**

 ** _From: Rigby_**

 ** _Date: Sunday, August 25, 2013_**

 _Dear Mordecai,_

 _My eyes are red,_

 _my heart is hurt,_

 _you fell in love,_

 _and I wish I were her._

 _Love,_

 _Rigby_

* * *

 _ **To: Mordecai**_

 _ **From: Rigby**_

 _ **Date: Monday, August 25, 2014**_

 _Dear Mordecai,_

 _My parents are getting pissed at the fact I'm still living with them, and so are yours. We have to find a job by next year or we'll get kicked out—or at least, **I** will. _

_Tell me this: If I do end up living on the streets, would you live on them with me? If I starve, would you give your food to me? If I am parched, would you find water for me? If I ran out of happiness, would you give your happiness to me? _

_If I stopped loving you, would you give your love to me?_

 _I'd do all those things for **you**. _

_Love,_

 _Rigby_

* * *

 _ **To: Mordecai**_

 ** _From: Rigby_**

 ** _Date: Tuesday, August 25, 2015_**

 _Dear Mordecai,_

 _Will I ever win your love?_

 _Things are going well with Eileen, but the thing is, I don't love her. I don't know how to tell her that I've been lying to her about my feelings for her this whole time. I care about her, and I don't want to hurt her, but the person I love is you, **not** her. _

_I need help._

 _Love,_

 _Rigby_

* * *

 _ **To: Mordecai**_

 _ **From: Rigby**_

 _ **Date: Thursday, August 25, 2016**_

 _Dear Mordecai,_

 _All right. This is it._

 _I've broken up with Eileen and told you about my feelings._

 _How did you respond?_

 _You said, "_ _Io sono innamorato di te, troppo._ _"_

 _You don't know how long I've been waiting to hear those wor_ _ds._

 _Love,_

 _Rigby_

* * *

 **Io sono innamorato di te, troppo = I am in love with you, too.**

 **It's Italian.**

 ** _I JUST WANT RIGBY TO BE HAPPY (with Mordecai)!_**


	4. Rigby's Envy

**Disclaimer: This beautiful show belongs to the beautiful J.G. Quintel. Also, it's beautiful.**

* * *

 _(This is set during the time CJ and Mordecai are dating.)_

Rigby watches from where he waters the flowers on the side of the house, not paying attention to the fact that he's been watering the same flower for ten minutes straight. He's too immersed in his thoughts of, _What could CJ and Mordecai be talking about? Are they talking about me? Are they planning to ditch me so I can do all the work while they go out on a hot date?_ Wait, why is _he_ doing _work_? He works even less than _Mordecai_ does! The goal had been to get the whole 'CJ dating Mordecai' thing out of his mind, but it hasn't turned out the way he wanted it to, because all he's doing is staring, and staring, and growing even more envious as time passes.

He hates CJ, because she is so temperamental. Literally, that chick will be smiling and having a nice conversation with Mordecai one moment, and the next, her face will be scarlet as she yells at him and stomps around like a child throwing a temper tantrum. He likes Margaret better; she's calmer. He still hates her, though. He just hates her less than CJ. CJ may be smiling now, but he's going to set her off.

Annoyed at the fact that he isn't included in the conversation, Rigby sets the hose on full blast and glares at CJ before aiming it at her. " _Vederti mai_ , bitch," he says with a smirk as the water hits the previously smiling albino.

"What the _**fuck**_?!" CJ shouts, face redder than a tomato. Her fists are clenched, her entire body is soaked, and Mordecai instantly glares at the culprit.

" _Rigby_!" he accuses, mildly angry. He _definitely_ isn't as upset as _CJ_ is. CJ, red faced and all, stomps away, gritting her teeth as she goes. Rigby smiles after her, secretly hoping she trips on her way out of the park. He now has Mordecai's full attention, but not in the way he's been hoping. In his mind, Mordecai is congratulating him on that sweet move to get CJ angry, _not_ asking what the hell his problem is and hoisting him up by his collar. CJ has _definitely_ had an effect on his behavior. Well, maybe he would've been mad if it were Margaret, too, but he wouldn't have tried to assault him. "You just _love_ to ruin _everything_ , don't you? In fact, you ruin my _life_. Life ruiner." He glares daggers into Rigby's bright yellow eyes before dropping him and walking away.

Life ruiner...?

Rigby thinks back to all the times he got jealous enough to take action and sighs. "Maybe he's right. Maybe I _do_ ruin lives..." he mutters as he continues to water the flowers.

* * *

 _(Set a few days after the hose incident.)_

"Hey, Rigby, can you pass me the remote?"

Rigby ignores Mordecai and shoves the remote down his shirt, eyes locked on the television.

Mordecai glares at the brunette and goes upstairs. Lately, Rigby's been weirder than usual. He's giving Mordecai the silent treatment, pulls a poker face around him, and never even looks him in the eye. Mordecai can't figure out why for the life of him. He's going to confront him after his date with CJ tonight.

Rigby sighs. It's killing him to ignore Mordecai like this, but he doesn't know what else to do. Mordecai wounded him deeply, and he's not the 'forgive and forget' type. If Mordecai's gonna call him a life ruiner, then he shall ruin _his_ life by ignoring him forever.

* * *

 _(Set to the night after CJ and Mordecai's breakup.)_

 _Well, you won, Rigby._ _And what did you gain from it?_ _Oh, a depressed best friend and a girlfriend that you don't even love?_ _How did you wind up in this mess?_

These thoughts run endlessly through Rigby's head as he watches Mordecai sleep, tears rolling down the taller man's pale face. He runs a hand through his hair and sighs. "I'm the biggest idiot in the history of idiots," he mutters to himself before bursting into tears. "Why? Why, why, _why_? Why did it end up like this?!" He wipes his endless tears away as his body trembles from the trauma. He truly has the worst luck in the world.

He can't stand to live like this. What is he supposed to do? How can he get Mordecai back on his feet, break up with Eileen with no complications, and confess his prolonged feelings to his lifelong pal? There _is_ no way. He has thought of suicide before, which is how he ended up with Eileen the Weirdo Queen.

* * *

 _(Set during the time CJ and Mordecai are dating, a few months prior to their breakup.)_

Rigby's heart completely shatters at the sight of how perfect CJ and Mordecai look together. Perfect, the complete opposite of him. He thinks about how he and Mordecai would look together. _Decent enough_ , he thinks. Plus, two men in a romantic relationship? People would definitely talk, and Rigby's insecure enough as it is. What are the alternatives other than murdering CJ and keeping his beloved Mordecai all to himself? There _are_ more alternatives, but none of them involve him ending up with Mordecai.

 **Alternative One:** Rigby deals with CJ and Mordecai together, watches them get married and have kids, and he dies alone.

 **Alternative Two:** Rigby asks Eileen out and dates her to make Mordecai jealous, but Mordecai doesn't care because he loves CJ so they both end up dating the wrong person and Rigby dies married to Eileen and his kids also marry the wrong person. The cycle never ends because anyone related to Rigby besides his younger brother is a dumbass.

 **Alternative Three:** Rigby somehow gets CJ to break up with Mordecai and he thinks he has a shot with him, but Mordecai just ends up getting depressed, just like he did with Margaret, and both of them die alone.

So far, none of them are looking good. Then again, Rigby _is_ a pessimist. He can't help it, though—the worst things _always_ happen to _him_. Maybe he'll just call Don and go live with him for the rest of his life. Nobody needs him, anyways. Who would want a stubborn, lazy slob with no real skills except for lying, is in love with his best friend who's a guy, and has a general pessimistic view on everything besides anything that has to do with his best friend _who is a_ ** _guy_**? He's absolutely hopeless, depending on Mordecai for happiness all the time. He knows that Mordecai can't always make him _happy_ , though. He makes him sad, frustrated, scared, and increases his stupidity tenfold. They say that love makes you a better person, but so far, Rigby has been becoming a worse and worse person every minute that he thinks about CJ and Mordecai's relationship.

He considers alternative two, weighing his options. True, he'd be in an unwanted relationship, but with a bit of dumb luck, he and Mordecai might end up together. Then, alternative three comes to mind. _If_ he could somehow get CJ to break up with Mordecai, and he's only wondering _if_ , then, possibly, he could cheer Mordecai up and everything would at _least_ be back to normal. Maybe he could get a confession in there, too, but then thoughts about Mordecai rejecting him come to mind. He's not even sure if Mordecai swings both ways. So far, he only has evidence that he plays for the other team.

See, this is exactly why Rigby has severe depression. He just _had_ to fall for the guy that's perfect for him (sweet, caring, likable but awkward, handsome, tall, understanding, funny, fun, and relatable in more ways than one), but is most likely straight. Maybe he'll go for alternative two. Eileen's weird enough to distract him from Mordecai. With that in mind, Rigby makes his way to aforementioned female's house at a slow pace, attempting with great effort to pry anything having to do with CJ or Mordecai out of his mind. So far, he's been doing a terrible job, since his will is extremely strong and stubborn.

He knocks on Eileen's door as he wonders whether or not CJ and Mordecai are having one of their daily makeout sessions, and it opens almost immediately after the third knock. "Rigby?" Eileen asks, as if she isn't sure, blushing a little. He bites back the urge to say "No, it's another short, stupid guy that you know that looks and behaves exactly like Rigby" and forces a grin. He knows for a fact that Eileen likes him, so this should be a piece of cake. "Oh! Uh, come on in." She opens the door all the way, inviting him in. "So, uh, what brings you here? D-do you want anything to drink? Oh, please have a seat, if you'd like!" She gestures to the couch, and Rigby grows more irritated with every word she speaks, beginning to regret having come here in the first place.

He decides to sit down, watching as Eileen frantically runs around the house, attempting to tidy it up, even though it's clean enough already. "S-so, uh—"

"Be my girlfriend." Okay, that isn't exactly how he'd wanted it to come out, but he can work with this. Eileen agrees with everything he says, anyways. The female brunette freezes in her place, eyes growing wide as she blushes. _Please don't ask why, please don't ask why_ , Rigby begs in his mind as Eileen straightens up and clears her throat, clearly very flustered. A bead of sweat rolling down her face, she adjusts her glasses and smiles nervously.

"Okay," she says, trying her best to sound confident to spite the blush she's sporting. "Okay, I'll be your girlfriend." She finally beams at him, soundly happy, and Rigby wants to smash her face in with one of her lame paintings. _Don't be so damn happy_ , he thinks, _because I'll never like you back, and this is only temporary_. The one he loves is Mordecai.

 _Not_ Eileen. _Never_ Eileen.

* * *

 _(Set back to the night after CJ and Mordecai's breakup.)_

"You have no idea how much I love you..." Rigby mutters, caressing the distraught, sleeping face of Mordecai. Having climbed onto his best friend's bed, he sits where he has room and is close enough to see all the defining features of his face that he adores so much. "Damnit." He shuts his eyes tight, sniffling as tears prick at them. "I messed up big time, Mordecai."

His nose is stuffed up because he's been crying since the moment Mordecai fell asleep at eleven, and his tearducts are almost dried up. Now, it's two in the morning, and his entire body is aching, beseeching him to go to sleep before the sun comes up, but he ignores it in favor of watching Mordecai sleep while silently lamenting about how he's a huge idiot that doesn't deserve to even be Mordecai's friend, let alone love him.

He lies down beside him, taking in the warmth that radiates off of him, and wipes all his tears away. _This is a rare chance, Rigby. Savor the moment while you can_ , he tells himself in his mind as his eyelids grow dangerously heavy. "No, damn it. Don't fall asleep..." he mumbles tiredly to himself, eyes closing on their own will. And damn him, he falls asleep faster than his mind can keep up with.

He really wishes he'd made himself a cup of coffee before deciding to snuggle with his love interest.

* * *

 _(Set the morning after.)_

Mordecai wakes up to an unexpected feeling. Another, much smaller body is pressed against his, a minimal amount of heat radiating off of it. He rubs his eyes and stretches, then sits up, eyes falling on the other person. Once his brain registers their identity, his heterochromatic eyes widen. "R-Rigby?" he interjects, blinking and rubbing his eyes to be sure. As clear as day, all he sees is none other than his best buddy sleeping soundly in _his_ bed, snoring loudly and drooling onto the sheets that he just cleaned yesterday. "What the hell?! Get out of my bed!" he exclaims, despite the knowledge that Rigby cannot hear a thing, and shoves the brunette off of his bed.

Rigby instantly wakes up, sitting up fast and glancing around worriedly, terror evident in his eyes. "Mordecai?!" he calls out, head turning this way and that, unaware that Mordecai is sitting right there and gawking at him. _He must be sleeping, still_ , Mordecai ponders as the brunette gets up and searches frantically for him. "Mordecai, where'd you go?! Please don't leave me! Please..." Rigby panics, then falls to his knees and bursts into tears. Mordecai can only gaze in bewilderment. What kind of nightmare is he _having_? He watches as Rigby pulls at his hair, and he can't tell whether it's out of frustration or fear, but he knows one thing: His best friend is suffering in this nightmare.

He doesn't want Rigby to suffer, so he shouts his name anxiously, getting out of bed and pulling him into a tight embrace. "Rigby! Rigby, wake up!" He pulls away and shakes his shoulders until he stops crying and stares directly into his eyes. "You were having a nightmare," he explains, letting go of the smaller man's shoulders. "You were totally freaking out in your sleep, so I woke you up."

Wordlessly, Rigby tackles Mordecai into a loving embrace and starts sobbing all over again. His body trembles as he chokes out the name. "Mordecai..."

Mordecai isn't sure what Rigby was dreaming about, but he knows that if he ever sees that happening again, he'll wake him up. He also wonders how long he's been having those kinds of nightmares.

* * *

 _(Set two months after the nightmare incident.)_

Everything seems to be turning out okay. Eileen broke up with Rigby, Mordecai is happy again, and Rigby's family is coming to visit, which is something that excites both of them. Mordecai loves Rigby's family almost as much as Rigby does. Therefore, Rigby feels like a day after the visit might be a good time to confess to him, since he'll be in high spirits. He just hopes everything goes according to plan. If he ever even sees she who shall not be named, he'll go out of his way to make sure that Mordecai doesn't also see her. That would ruin absolutely _everything_.

"Dude, are you _sure_ you're okay? I know breakups are tough," Mordecai says as they sit in the Coffee Shop and wait for their coffee, but Rigby's barely paying attention because he's watching a rerun of _Carter and Briggs_. Mordecai narrows his eyes and stares at Rigby until he looks over calmly. Rigby will talk to Mordecai about anything _but_ girls, so of that's another reason why he isn't listening. He's about to ask what the taller male is talking about, but the bell on the door rings and Don walks in.

"Rigbone! Mordo!" He jogs over to the two very happily. "Gimme some sugar!" He outstretches his arms, and Mordecai is the first to give him some sugar, which irritates Rigby. Only _he_ is allowed to give Mordecai sugar and get sugar in return. After watching the exchange, Rigby brightens and hugs Don, then pats his back as he does the same to him. He glances over at Mordecai, hoping to spot a little envy in his eyes, but the only thing he sees is awkwardness, as per usual. What is he feeling so awkward about, though? "So, how've ya been?" Don asks after pulling away. "Taking your anti-deppressants?"

Rigby sits down and glances briefly at Mordecai, then answers. "Yeah, but I don't think they need to be as strong anymore. I've been feeling a lot better lately." Mordecai is the only one Rigby knows that has no idea of his depression, so he's gonna be asked a lot of questions when Don leaves. He just doesn't want Mordecai to worry about him; that guy's got enough on his plate. So, he, Don, and Mordecai talk for the next few hours about various things, and then, Don's cell phone goes off and he checks it.

"Oh, I gotta go, guys. See you tomorrow!" And with that, Rigby's younger but physically bigger brother sprints out of the café, leaving the smaller but older male and Mordecai alone.

Mordecai watches Don leave, and as soon as he's out the door, he grabs Rigby's shoulders and shakes him. "Dude, why didn't you tell me you have depression?! I wouldn't pick on you so much, then!" Rigby slumps guiltily, unable to look Mordecai in the eyes. He starts to wonder how much a ticket to Mexico will cost and if he'll get arrested there for calling himself Pedro. Mordecai has this intense look in his eyes like he's offended that Rigby didn't tell him about his depression that's beginning to deteriorate. He supposes that it's because they promised to tell each other everything when they were only six years old.

He hasn't told Mordecai everything. Secrets are things he'd rather keep than give to Mordecai nowadays.

"I'm sorry. I just didn't want you worrying about me..." he admits, closing his eyes.

"Rigby, I'm always gonna worry about you, mental disorder or not," Mordecai says seriously, hugging him tight. "You're my best friend, and probably the most important person in my life."

He has no _idea_ how much that means to Rigby.

* * *

 _(Set the night after Rigby's family's visit.)_

He needs to tell him before his heart explodes. He needs to tell him before he leaves.

"Mordecai, guess what?" he asks as Mordecai plops down onto his bed.

"Hm?" Mordecai's expression is a pleased one, a loopy grin on his face as he sips on his Mountain Dew. He closes his eyes, and Rigby's fragile heart skips a beat. He still can't fathom how just that smile can trigger a fluttering frenzy in his stomach. Maybe it's because Mordecai is his entire world, the person he loves more than anyone or anything. Maybe he's just an idiot for beaming like a goof at any nice thing he says to him. His usual dysphoria is replaced with euphoria when he sees him or thinks of him. "What's up?" He shoots a grin at the already mentally dying Rigby.

"W-well...you know how I hate Margaret and CJ, and basically everyone?" Rigby starts, looking everywhere but the blue haired male, who is gazing curiously at him.

Mordecai gives a nod, signaling Rigby to continue.

Trying not to let fear overtake him, Rigby scratches the nape of his neck. "Yeah...you're the only person I don't hate besides— _maybe_ —my family. What I'm saying is..." He finally side glances at Mordecai, who's staring at him in confusion. "I think..."

He looks Mordecai right in the eyes.

"No, I _know._ I'm in love with you."

All his fears and all his dreams swirl around in his head in a mix of utter disorientation as Mordecai's eyes widen and he spits his beverage out. The liquid lands right on Rigby, who sits there, frozen in fear. Is this what he's feared almost his entire life?

 _Rejection_?

He's about to speak when Mordecai pipes up.

"Rigby, before you freak out and run away crying because I 'rejected' you, hear me out."

This is _never_ a good sign.

"Remember that morning when you clung to me and then freaked out in your sleep after I pushed you out of my bed?"

Rigby, shocked and embarrassed, nods, but doesn't remember anything before waking up and hugging Mordecai, saying his name as his voice broke in that sad but relieved tone.

"That was the moment I realized how important I am to you, and how important _you_ are to _me_. It made me think of how I'd do anything for you, which is cheesy, but true. Rigby, I'm not sure if this is love or whatever, but I know it's more than just friendship. It's kinda weird. Like, I'd _date_ you, but I wouldn't want things to be different between us—I'm not that good about romance, as you can tell, and neither are you, so I think that if we _did_ date, it would be platonic. I mean, I guess whenever you want to, we can hold hands and stuff, but I don't want to ruin our friendship. We can date, but it shouldn't be all lovey-dovey. I just want us to be able to argue over dumb things and be best buds, but also to be in love. You get me?"

Rigby instantly bursts into tears, the only thing on his mind being that he didn't get rejected. _**He didn't get rejected!** _

"Oh my God," is all he can manage to get out of his system before leaping from his trampoline and tackling Mordecai into a loving embrace.

Mordecai laughs that awkward, beautiful laugh, returns the embrace, and lies there with Rigby in his arms for who knows how long, his eyes stuck to the ceiling.

Rigby probably loves him too much.

* * *

 _(This is set a week after Rigby's confession.)_

"Quit being an asshole!" Rigby demands, weakly punching Mordecai in an attempt to make him share his goldfish crackers. After a few more nugatory punches, Rigby jumps up, reaching as far as his arms can stretch, but only the tip of his middle finger touches the bottom of the bag when he stands on Mordecai's feet, as well as on his tippy-toes. "C'mon! Share them with me! I'm your fuckin' _boyfriend_! What more do I need to do to get you to stop bein' a jerk to me?!"

Mordecai laughs. "'Boyfriend' is just a label," he jokes, holding the bag up higher.

Rigby, without hesitation, glares into his mismatch eyes before jabbing his fingers at them, effectively causing him to let go of the bag in order to tend to his now hurting eyes. Before the bag can go any further, Rigby catches it midair and smirks. "That's what happens when you make jokes about our relationship, bastard." He instantaneously digs into the bag, an expression of absolute triumph crossing his features.

"Is that right?" Mordecai asks out of the blue.

Rigby looks up in utter confusion, only to be pulled into a headlock as Mordecai snatches his goldfish back. "You... _stronzo_!" the brunette cries, digging his fingernails into Mordecai's arm. He struggles in a pathetic attempt to break free.

Mordecai smirks, replying, "You _started_ it."

 _And I'm gonna **end** it_ , Rigby thinks to himself before quelling his struggling. Mordecai pauses, wondering if the shorter male has given up. He waits for a second, and then, Rigby speaks. "If I kiss you, will you let me go?" Rigby knows that this is the only way to coax Mordecai into anything, having obtained the knowledge from eavesdropping on one of his phone calls once.

"Maybe~..." Mordecai purrs into his ear, causing the other to blush profusely. He wraps his arms tightly around his waist, waiting for the promised kiss.

Rigby groans and turns around in his boyfriend's arms, muttering something along the lines of "If I knew you were a such closet perv, I wouldn't have fallen in love with you" before snaking his short arms around his neck and puckering his lips. Mordecai chuckles, leans down toward Rigby, and puckers his lips as well. Heart thumping a mile a minute, the brunette stands on his tippy-toes, leaning forward to peck the blue haired man on the lips. In the state of mind that it would be a brief little smooch, Rigby tries to pull away, only to be coerced back into the kiss by Mordecai, who briskly deepens it.

His face burns when Mordecai's tongue touches his own, and his mind draws a blank. _How do you French kiss, again?_ he inquires in his head as Mordecai runs his fingers through his hair. Before he can figure it out, though, Mordecai pulls away, wipes the saliva from both of their mouths, and kisses his forehead. "We'd better head back to work or you know what'll happen," he warns, walking away.

A realization comes to mind, and Rigby chases after his best friend and lover. "Wait a second, you asshole! You just _mouth-raped_ me! You owe me lunch!"

From now on, both partners are in for a wild ride.

* * *

 **Vederti mai = See you never**

 **Stronzo = Asshole**


	5. My Apologies!

It seems like quite a few of you are enjoying these little oneshots, and I know I haven't updated lately, but no worries! I've got a chapter in the making! :) Also, it takes me a while to update because I need to think of a good scenario, and with school and other things on my mind, I don't have much room to think, but I'll try to work on that. I appreciate you appreciating my stories! *insert big virtual hugs here* :D


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